TRUTH IS BEAUTY. Yeah, right!

SPOILER ALERT – May Get Philosophical. Possibly. Or it may not, who can tell what’s going to happen.

So, I was sat in the pub the other day and got into a discussion with a friend of a friend about the nature of truth and whether it was, or was not, the best policy. The discussion grew heated and while we could both see the other person’s point of view we were still adamant that we had the right of it. Voices were raised, knuckles whitened and the next thing you know tables are being knocked over, glasses are shattering and the fists start to fly. I have no idea who through the first punch, but I do know that it wasn’t me that slugged the bouncer who rushed over to break things up.

It was like something out of an old western as everyone else in the pub got involved. Whether it was just them struggling to get out of the way or fighting back when their pint was spilled, I don’t know. But the table next to ours was knocked over and the two couple sitting at it started screaming and yelling. More bouncers came in, someone grabbed me by the arms and the last thing that I remember is yelling at this guy I was arguing with.

“There is no truth, there is only opinion!”

Okay, I admit it, none of that really happened. What did happen is that I got into a very brief discussion on Facebook after a posting by a friend about whether it was better to be brutally honest or not. But, you have to admit that the first version of the story is much more interesting, so would it have been better for me to be brutally honest right at the start or did I do the right thing by getting you interested and then moving onto my point?

I firmly believe that Truth is a completely subjective thing. What I believe to be true may be something very different from what you believe to be true. The obvious example of this that springs to mind is religion. Some people know that God, or Gods, exist while other people know that there is no God. Both groups know this to be the absolute truth. Another less blatant example is that I know that I looked good in my old purple shirt but the rest of the world disagreed. What was the truth behind that one?

Another aspect of being honest, as you see it, is why are you doing it? Part of the Facebook discussion was the difference between what you want to hear and what you need to hear. If I was to ask how I looked in that purple shirt (yeah, I really liked that shirt, deal with it!) it wouldn’t have made any difference to whether I wore it or not. But if I was told, “No, you look ridiculous,” then I would have got annoyed with the person telling me and that would have put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. They were just being honest as they saw it, telling me something that they thought I needed to hear, but it wouldn’t have stopped me from wearing it and would have ended up with both of us in a bad mood. So, did I really need to hear that?

Or should they have avoided being honest and gone for the silent approach?

Yes, there are times when you have to be honest and say things which are going to be hard for the other person to take, but you need to take into account that “The Truth” is just your opinion of the situation.

“What do you think of my new boyfriend?” she asks.

There are a few possible answers that flash through my head at that point. The first being “The guy is a prat, what do you see in him?” Next is “Does his mum know that he’s out this late – I mean, he is a bit young for you.” Then comes “I was told he looks a lot like me, don’t see it myself though.”

All of those would have been honest replies but none of them would have done anything useful or productive. So I keep quiet and mutter something along the lines of “as long as he makes you happy.”

Should I have been brutally honest in that situation? Or would my honesty only reflect the fact that I don’t like the new boyfriend for personal reasons that should have no affect what-so-ever on their relationship?

The point being that honesty is just your opinion on a matter. And brutal honesty is your just opinion put over in a rude manner. Of course, that’s just my opinion on the matter. I’m not for one second suggesting that people shouldn’t have opinions or should be afraid to air them, but you should be aware that you could be completely wrong about what you are about to say. And, whether you are right or not, is the honesty worth the consequences that it is likely to cause?

Another thing to consider is the old saying – “Honesty is the best policy?” Really? So how does that CV look when you don’t embellish it in any way? And sticking with the job theme, when was the last time you called in sick saying “I just can’t be bothered getting out of bed today?”

Everyone lies. And everyone wants to be lied to. We all have our self-deceptions that we don’t want to lose. Lies make the world go round. Fiction of any kind – lies. This means books, films, TV. We know that it’s lies and we love it because of that. Even TV that is touted as reality comes with that little disclaimer that states that some scenes have been created for entertainment value. Another way of saying that they’re lying to make it better.

Everyone lies and the world is a better place for it. Don’t believe me? Try being brutally honest for a week and see how many friends you have left at the end of it? I’m certain that you have a couple of people in your life who would appreciate the honesty, up to a point. But the majority of people you have any kind of communication with will see you as being nothing more than rude and opinionated.

Trust me about this, I’m only being honest.

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