29 Nov

Need to get this warning out of the way so that we all know where we stand. If you’re expecting a detailed and organised journal of our recent trip to Poland with good information for the traveller and lists of places to go and to avoid then damn, you’re out of luck. You obviously don’t know me so how the hell did you find this place? Are you a spy, have you been following me? Who do you work for? Dammit, tell me the truth, which agency do you work for?

paranoid 1
Right, sorry about that, got a bit over-excited there for a moment. What I’m writing here is a very personal view of what those few days in Poland were like. Pros and Cons, Pluses and Minuses. Good and Bad. Positive and Negative. And just stuff in general with no real good or bad side to them.

TL:DR Went to Poland, had fun, came back from Poland.
The flight there. Yeah, what can I say about easyjet? Well, loads of things I suppose and all of them bad. We always knew that it was going to be a bad flight but I did hope that it would be slightly better than Ryan Air. Nope, not at all. Cramped, uncomfortable, loud and smelly. But you get what you pay for I guess so nothing unexpected there.

dont easy
We arrived in Krakow and the apartment we were staying at had arranged for a taxi to pick us up. Have to say that it was good to have someone standing at the airport holding up a little sign with your name on it. We’ve all seen it in the films and not thought much about it but when it happens to you, you can’t help but feel a little bit smug. Well, I did. Marta didn’t seem to think as much of it as I did but then my ego does like to be petted every now and then.
The apartment was very nice, smaller than I expected from the pictures on the website but still nice.


And it was just 5 minutes walk away from the Old Town of Krakow and since we were officially tourists and only there for one night there was a law that said we had to spend most of our time in the central square. I’m sure it’s a law or it could have something to do with the number of bars and restaurants.
We’ll get back to the bars of Poland in a minute but I will say that Krakow Old Town looks great. Reminded me a lot of parts of Edinburgh but with more churches and horse drawn carriages. We met up with Adam, Amy and Mark there and did what tourists are expected to do, we went bar hunting.

So, told you we’d get back to the subject of bars. Right, first things first and need to say that the food and drink was cheap! Very cheap and very nice. Most expensive drinks we had there were about the same price as the cheapest drinks in Glasgow and the majority of places we drank in were half the price at most. And the next thing that has to be said is about the toilets. They stink, in every possible way. Dirty, small and not enough of them. A lot of the bars and restaurants we went to in Poland had a single cubicle for everyone. Not one each, but one cubicle for everyone that was in the bar. Not good, very not good.
The Beer Hall. This is where it all started to go wrong. Or get better depending on your point of view with these things. The brought 5 litre kegs of beer to your table and they had three nozzles where you were meant to pour your drinks.


Or, or, or . . . if you were really foolish you could just put your head under the nozzle and hope for the best. Of course, no-one would be enough of a simpleton to do something like – nah, can’t even bring myself to say it. You know we did it and you know that the rest of the night was just a blur after that point. I have no idea how we all managed to get back to our separate places of rest but it was managed. Somehow.


Keg 2

The next day was not good for anyone. Hangovers were bad all round and having to leave the apartment in the morning and spend the next few hours sightseeing before heading to the town where the wedding was happening was not a good plan. But then, plans made before serious drinking never seem to work out in the aftermath of that drinking. Still, the drinking was fun though 
Got to the wedding town (yes, it does have a name and I have no hope of every pronouncing it let alone spelling it so from now until the end of time, in my head anyway, it will be known as the wedding town) on Friday evening and the apartment we were staying in there was terrible. I can’t find a single good thing to say about it. Oh, wait, yes I can. It was cheap. But it was absolutely nothing like the web site, small, cold, dirty and just generally unpleasant. But there were a very limited amount of options regarding places to stay in the wedding town so we were stuck with it.

Wedding Day! Wait, did I mention that we were there for a friend’s wedding? No? Ahh, probably a fairly important part of the trip. But you get the idea now anyway so no real problems. Where was I? Thanks.
Wedding Day! Was fantastic. Lots of Polish people with a handful of Scots scattered around and everyone was very friendly and welcoming. Great, couldn’t have felt more at home. And the food and vodka were endless. I do mean that literally and yes, I do know what the word literally means. As far as that day was concerned, the food and vodka was endless. Every time there was an empty plate or bottle more was brought to replace it by the waiting staff. All afternoon and evening there was food and vodka in front of you. Often you would go up to have a quick dance and when you came back there was more waiting for you.


Congratulations to the happy couple, and to the bride and groom as well 

The next few days in the wedding town were pretty quiet. Some time looking around, some time relaxing, some time out eating and drinking. Travelled to the airport town – see above for the situation with names – to get the flight home and that was a pleasant surprise, If you get the chance, fly with Czech Airlines. Seriously, this isn’t an advert. For the same price as easyjet it was so much more comfortable and just better in every possible way. A long day of travelling before we finally got home but no raised tempers, no lost luggage, no uncomfortable silences. You all know the sort of tension that can build up with so much travelling over a few days. But, it passed uneventfully so I count that as win.

Overall impression time. Awesome food and drink, both in price and quality. Hell, we were in a pub that had an actual saxophone as part of the pouring pump. And did I mention 5litre kegs at the table, I think it did. Tasty food mostly, although this obsession with putting things in jelly, and not the good strawberry kind, was a bit of a downer.

Accommodation was very much hit or miss but that was probably because we were in apartments rather than hotels. Next time we’ll be paying more and not letting ourselves be fooled by websites.
People we met were great, unless they were working. Very few people working in the bars and restaurants seemed to be happy and even less people in shops or taxis or anything like that would have a smile on their face. True, no one likes to be at work but this was taking it to extremes. But people we met socially were fantastic, both the people at the wedding and random strangers that we just started chatting to after a couple of drinks. The Dutch were great as well but that was in the Beer Hall and that was just a completely different world.


Rob and Roy – can you tell which is which?

Have to say that there were a lot of very cute women in Poland, very cute indeed. Although I, being very happy in my relationship, would never notice that sort of thing unless I was doing it for research purposes, such as this blog. (And no, writing the blog is not just an excuse for perving on people! Probably).


marta necklace

So, that was it. Poland trip in a nutshell. Lots more happened but hell, who ever wants to hear about that sort of thing. Thanks for visiting, thanks for reading and remember to close the door on your way out. Last one to leave please switch off the lights.


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